HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!!!
I meant to do this bumpdate last Wednesday when I turned 34 weeks, but heck, I was so tired from being unable to sleep between 2-6am (literally!) and then waking up at 9am. And then, the next day was New Year’s eve and I had a horrible day at work. Come Friday, it was New Years and I wanted to spend with with my family through the weekend so I decided to delay this update until today.
I have quite a lot to talk about this week, things have been pretty challenging. Let me break it down for you a little.
Stretch marks: I can feel my belly is getting bigger and tighter by the day. That means that baby is growing and she should weigh about 2.5kgs by now.
Stretch marks are saying hello to me too! Now, I know there are many products outside to “prevent” these marks, but really, there is nothing you can do about it. It’s partly genetics and with the rate of how fast your belly is growing, it is inevitable. My skin is not that elastic and the marks have gone up above my belly button stretching even more from the precious marks I got from Leo. I know of some people whose belly went super huge and no stretch marks; NONE. Well, good for them. I am not super sad about it. In fact, these are my battle scars. A reminder that life was formed and that my body did whatever it needs to do to support it.
Fatigue: I am feeling very tired the past week. So tired that I just want to lay in bed all day and go to bed at 7pm. Of course I didn’t coz I couldn’t fall asleep. Even when I do, it’s not long before I have to wake to pee and then the cycle repeats itself. I decided to hit the gym instead to join a BODYPUMP class which helped me get my mind off things and I really enjoyed it. I forgot how nice it was being a member and not having to teach.
Pains: I have been having some pelvic pain especially on my right side. It’s like as if my legs are gonna detach from my body. My tailbone is hurting too which is weird, because I didn’t have that with Leo. Someone told me that it could be because my pelvis/birth canal is widening hence it affects the tailbone too. Thankfully though, that my feet aren’t swollen and my blood pressure seems good. Oh, and I almost can’t see my foot!
Braxton Hicks: These practice contractions are happening so often especially at night. They don’t really hurt, but they are uncomfortable. When it happens, my belly would get super tight and then I can’t breathe normally. It almost feels like I needed to hold my breath or breathe out very very slowly. There was one day (that day that I didn’t sleep from 2-6am), these contractions were coming so regularly that I downloaded an app to time the contractions, just in case it may be the real thing. But thankfully they went away. I wonder if the regularity of these contractions are caused by the Red Raspberry Leaf Tea that I’ve been drinking daily.
It tones the uterus and supports the organ to prepare for birth. If it is, then it is doing it’s job well. So far I have been loving this tea. I drink 2 cups throughout the day and then another at night before bed.
Emotionally it has been rough. I’ve done so much crying this past week and it’s still on going. I cry at every emotion that runs through my body. Memories of my late grandma made me cry and parenting made me cry too. Sometimes I wished that the people around me would understand and at least try to accommodate my feelings and appreciate the effort I put in to make this house a home. But I’ve reminded myself to never expect anything from anyone because I’m just gonna be disappointed at the end. I will stop expecting anyone to help carry furniture, heavy groceries, laundry baskets and so on. The nurse told me to stop carrying heavy items (because of my weak pelvic floor), but what am I to do? It upsets me when people chose to see without their heart.
Rants aside. I am thankful for my husband who helps me when he can. I couldn’t have done it without him. Thanks Darling.
I also have been having some mild anxiety as to how am I going to birth this baby out. The memories of the pain I went through with Leo plays in my head and I am so scared. I know in time, that it will all be alright and it is going to be ok. It’ll be over before you know it. But still, the anxiousness makes me nervous and I hope that it’ll be easier second time around.
I have been asking God for a quick and easy delivery for this baby. I’ve also learnt to pray specifically for my body, that it’ll do that it needs to when time comes. I am also so thankful to Him for this gift and miracle. So grateful to have a daughter and appreciating life more than ever.
Honestly my spirit has been up and down. Probably my hormones are out of whack and it may stay the same even till after the baby is born. I have no idea what’s going to happen after she’s born; how are we going to manage a newborn AND a toddler? How am I gonna keep the house running and making sure there’s food on the table? How is laundry going to be like for 5 people? Am I ever able to go back to work? Who is going to take care of the baby? All these thoughts circulate my mind daily. I am reminding myself that God is the Almighty and He is in control. If he opens a door, no one can ever close it. I am trying really hard to remember the scriptures and see things in His eyes. Ultimately, He is my provider and everything will fall into place when time comes.
One step at a time. One day at a time.
I guess these are all the reasons for the tough week last week. Waves of emotions as time gets closer and closer. I hope this week will be a better one. I am also trying to find as much time to spend with Leo because I know, in less than 40 days, he will not be the only child anymore and I may not even have the time to spend with him. He’s such a joy and he makes me so happy. I thank God for a good toddler and I hope he’ll love his little sister too.
Thanks for reading this post. I know it’s kinda “all over the place” but I wanted to let it out and express how I am feeling. Looking forward for a better week and I hope 2016 has been kind to you!