My Little Miracle

The exciting story of God's very special gift to Mama & Papa…

When is my due date???

It is every pregnant moms wish to know when is her exact due date; even though it is just an estimate, having the peace to know that everyone is on the same page (and everyone means the doctor, the nurse, yourself, the ultrasound tech, etc) will really put an ease to your mind.

Well, according to BabyCentre AND every single pregnancy due date calculator online, my due date for QB2 is on Feb 10th, 2016. How accurate are online calculators? Well, I used it with Leo and my doctor then revealed the same date too, so I believe they are correct. But this time, my midwife said that it is on Feb 13th, 2016 and not the 1oth, based on her manual calculation which they add 7 days to your LMP (last menstrual period). I’ve always sidetracked her calculation coz I felt it wasn’t accurate and preferred to stick to Feb 10th. I had my final ultrasound with a gynae on Tuesday and I asked him about my due date; again. According to his calculation, he said it was Feb 13th! I was shocked. Not because I didn’t believe him but because every single calculator says 10th according to my LMP, but his and the midwifes’ says 13th. He also said that it is only a difference by 3 days, so it doesn’t really matter. True but NOT TRUE. If you’ve been pregnant, you KNOW that the last month of pregnancy has 365 days! I wouldn’t want to be overdue either, and every single day counts when you’re in the home run.

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If you’ve been in the TTC (trying to conceive) moment and you are the kinda mom that knows your cycle very well and know about fertility and conception, you will know that there are other methods to determine your due date.

  1. Using your LMP – which most doctors use and what the online calculator uses too. But I don’t know why the manual calculation and generic calculator differs by 3 days? So according to this calculation, my due date is on the 13th.
  2. Date of conception – We all know what we need to do to conceive. And I know the exact date, because we only tried once. They can argue and say that this method is not the best because sperm can live in the uterus for a couple of days and you never know when you ovulate. But my cycle is very regular and I know when I am in the fertile window. So since we only tried ONCE, I keyed in the date of conception and that had put my due date to the 7th! Now that’s a huge difference between 7th and 13th. That is 1 week ahead of what the LMP says.

In case you’re wondering why am I so anal about my due date; it is an estimate anyway. It is because I was overdue with Leo and had to be induced. That wasn’t fun at all. And at the end of pregnancy, baby is growing bigger and bigger each day. If baby gets too big, there are chances that they may now allow you to birth naturally and/or say that there are risks involved. I had to be induced with Leo because my water broke and I was overdue.

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I am only hoping that I will not go overdue this time. I don’t want to be induced and I don’t want baby to get too big, as she measures 2.7kg already. Each week they gain about 300 grams. So the remaining 3 weeks I have left means she could put on 1kg. That would mean she could be born at 3.7kgs! That’s gonna hurt… and no C section for me please! I know these are estimate figures, plus minus 10%, but still, my heart just feels kinda unsettled.

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Anyway, I just wanted to get this out of my chest. Ultimately, God’s timing is best. He knows when she will be here and she will be here when she’s ready. The only thing I can do now is to prepare my body for labor and trust that it till complete the whole process. If my body can conceive and sustain the whole pregnancy till full term, my body can birth this baby out naturally and the process will be complete. It will not fail me and it will not go haywire suddenly.

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Toddler Play Win!

Often when it comes to entertaining Quackaboy, we’re out of ideas to keep him busy. I stumbled upon a Facebook article on toddler play ideas and thought to give it a try!

One of it was easy as we had the items in our house already.

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CARDBOARD BOX.

A huge one. We gave him markers and colored pencils to draw on it while sitting inside. And Daddy added to make it look like a mini spaceship too.

Well, it was very successful and he was playing in it for over an hour. And the next day, and the next day too…

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From a spaceship, he made it into a car, and then into a house.

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Happy toddler = Happy parents!
(Dad gets to workout, Mom gets to make dinner, and Grandpa gets to rest)

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After the Christmas season, and playing with his Xmas toys, he has forgotten about the box. But we’re okay with that because any toy, over time, will become boring or too common for him. We have been saving an even bigger box for him to play one day when he gets really bored or when he just needs new stimulation.

Maybe by then time QB2 comes, the bigger box will be useful to keep him occupied a few hours! 😀

If you haven’t tried this with your toddler, GIVE IT A GO! 

Let me know how it turned out!

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34 weeks + 5 days

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HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!!!

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I meant to do this bumpdate last Wednesday when I turned 34 weeks, but heck, I was so tired from being unable to sleep between 2-6am (literally!) and then waking up at 9am. And then, the next day was New Year’s eve and I had a horrible day at work. Come Friday, it was New Years and I wanted to spend with with my family through the weekend so I decided to delay this update until today.

I have quite a lot to talk about this week, things have been pretty challenging. Let me break it down for you a little.

Physically

Stretch marks: I can feel my belly is getting bigger and tighter by the day. That means that baby is growing and she should weigh about 2.5kgs by now.

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Stretch marks are saying hello to me too! Now, I know there are many products outside to “prevent” these marks, but really, there is nothing you can do about it. It’s partly genetics and with the rate of how fast your belly is growing, it is inevitable. My skin is not that elastic and the marks have gone up above my belly button stretching even more from the precious marks I got from Leo. I know of some people whose belly went super huge and no stretch marks; NONE. Well, good for them. I am not super sad about it. In fact, these are my battle scars. A reminder that life was formed and that my body did whatever it needs to do to support it.

Fatigue: I am feeling very tired the past week. So tired that I just want to lay in bed all day and go to bed at 7pm. Of course I didn’t coz I couldn’t fall asleep. Even when I do, it’s not long before I have to wake to pee and then the cycle repeats itself. I decided to hit the gym instead to join a BODYPUMP class which helped me get my mind off things and I really enjoyed it. I forgot how nice it was being a member and not having to teach.

Pains: I have been having some pelvic pain especially on my right side. It’s like as if my legs are gonna detach from my body. My tailbone is hurting too which is weird, because I didn’t have that with Leo. Someone told me that it could be because my pelvis/birth canal is widening hence it affects the tailbone too. Thankfully though, that my feet aren’t swollen and my blood pressure seems good. Oh, and I almost can’t see my foot!

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Braxton Hicks: These practice contractions are happening so often especially at night. They don’t really hurt, but they are uncomfortable. When it happens, my belly would get super tight and then I can’t breathe normally. It almost feels like I needed to hold my breath or breathe out very very slowly. There was one day (that day that I didn’t sleep from 2-6am), these contractions were coming so regularly that I downloaded an app to time the contractions, just in case it may be the real thing. But thankfully they went away. I wonder if the regularity of these contractions are caused by the Red Raspberry Leaf Tea that I’ve been drinking daily.

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It tones the uterus and supports the organ to prepare for birth. If it is, then it is doing it’s job well. So far I have been loving this tea. I drink 2 cups throughout the day and then another at night before bed.

Emotionally

Emotionally it has been rough. I’ve done so much crying this past week and it’s still on going. I cry at every emotion that runs through my body. Memories of my late grandma made me cry and parenting made me cry too. Sometimes I wished that the people around me would understand and at least try to accommodate my feelings and appreciate the effort I put in to make this house a home. But I’ve reminded myself to never expect anything from anyone because I’m just gonna be disappointed at the end. I will stop expecting anyone to help carry furniture, heavy groceries, laundry baskets and so on. The nurse told me to stop carrying heavy items (because of my weak pelvic floor), but what am I to do? It upsets me when people chose to see without their heart.

Rants aside. I am thankful for my husband who helps me when he can. I couldn’t have done it without him. Thanks Darling.

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I also have been having some mild anxiety as to how am I going to birth this baby out. The memories of the pain I went through with Leo plays in my head and I am so scared. I know in time, that it will all be alright and it is going to be ok. It’ll be over before you know it. But still, the anxiousness makes me nervous and I hope that it’ll be easier second time around.

Spiritually

I have been asking God for a quick and easy delivery for this baby. I’ve also learnt to pray specifically for my body, that it’ll do that it needs to when time comes. I am also so thankful to Him for this gift and miracle. So grateful to have a daughter and appreciating life more than ever.

Honestly my spirit has been up and down. Probably my hormones are out of whack and it may stay the same even till after the baby is born. I have no idea what’s going to happen after she’s born; how are we going to manage a newborn AND a toddler? How am I gonna keep the house running and making sure there’s food on the table? How is laundry going to be like for 5 people? Am I ever able to go back to work? Who is going to take care of the baby? All these thoughts circulate my mind daily. I am reminding myself that God is the Almighty and He is in control. If he opens a door, no one can ever close it. I am trying really hard to remember the scriptures and see things in His eyes. Ultimately, He is my provider and everything will fall into place when time comes.

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One step at a time. One day at a time. 

I guess these are all the reasons for the tough week last week. Waves of emotions as time gets closer and closer. I hope this week will be a better one. I am also trying to find as much time to spend with Leo because I know, in less than 40 days, he will not be the only child anymore and I may not even have the time to spend with him. He’s such a joy and he makes me so happy. I thank God for a good toddler and I hope he’ll love his little sister too.

Thanks for reading this post. I know it’s kinda “all over the place” but I wanted to let it out and express how I am feeling. Looking forward for a better week and I hope 2016 has been kind to you!

 

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Baby Moon 2015

They always say you should go for a Baby Moon before the new baby arrives, and before adding another addition to the family, you should enjoy whatever time you have left with just the current family. Because it’s all gonna change forever after that.

We were so blessed by our aunt & uncle who sponsored us a trip to Port Dickson over the weekend. We were supposed to go for this trip since July or August as a short break for me; as I was expressing how tired and exhausted I was over Facebook and my aunt took note of it. I was then still in early pregnancy and was feeling all the hormonal roller coaster and just really needed a getaway. Then, there was the haze that took over 2 months to clear, so we couldn’t really schedule the trip. Finally, we decided to use it as our Baby Moon since I am in the home run now and our finances did not allow us to travel anywhere further.

This trip meant a lot to us because it means that we have ‘us’ time and I don’t have to think about chores and work for a moment. We never really get that because I live with my dad in law. And most of the time, we have dinners together and it is never just ‘us’ at home. There are a lot of challenges a when you’re not living with your ‘own’ family; if you know what I mean. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not entirely a bad situation, but it challenges me especially after having kids.

The days when we’re alone, I also realized that we behave differently; at least for me. I am more calm, more patient, and more gentle I’d say. Sometimes at trying times, it makes me raise my voice, having to stand up and prove myself, constantly feeling like a lousy mother, and just bringing me down. And it brings out the worst me in, which is not the real me. It’s really, really hard and there are days I only cry because I know that I am not a bad mother and I can handle whatever the situation. I just want to be me. The real me. And I am only able to be that when we’re a family with just ‘us’.

Anyway, those aside (and maybe in another post when I get the courage to share), we really enjoyed ourselves! Little did we know we will enjoy Port Dickson as much as this. I was never a fan of the beaches in West Malaysia, but this time was different. Maybe because we had QB with us and it was his ‘first time’ actually playing on the beach. We did go to Boracay last year when he turned 1, but he was too young to really do anything or remember anything. This trip has stored many memories in me and it is one that I will never forget.

God has been so good to us. Things we never would’ve thought possible came through and He is forever faithful. The weather was great and the whole trip was eventful. Psssssstt – I even recorded a name reveal video! Not sure how we are gonna announce it, but it’s very exciting!

Here’s some photos to share our trip with you guys and I can’t wait for the next family trip; whenever it may be; with QB2.

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Waking up to this silhouette was one of the best feelings ever.

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QB wasn’t so sure about the beach at first. He didn’t wanna touch the water.

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Goofy family photo!!!

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All ready for the beach with his bucket of sand toys!

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A little more brave the next day! And loving the Applecheeks swim diaper.

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He definitely loved the sand and helped us dug a hole to sit in it.

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I love this photo of the boys in my life.

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Beach time is also ice Popsicle time!

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My 30 week belly. With battle scars. And no thigh gap. LOL.

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Real and raw. A photo with my little lion! I love you, son!

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Picnic breakfast at the beach!

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Daddy dug a hole to sit inside to watch the waves. Pure bliss ~

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One of our favorite photos of QB! He loves the Trunki and is looking forward for our next family trip too!

We all came back slightly sunburned, but Daddy got it worse. I came back with a bruise on my left arm. No idea how I got it. And I had 2 sand fly bites on my face! Not exactly the best place but it’s been a week, and getting better. Beware of sand flies though, if you’re travelling to PD 🙂

 

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Toys that should NEVER be given to a toddler!

I LOL-ed at myself in my head when I saw Quackaboy receiving a whistle in a party pack. The first thing that came into my mind was how I gave whistles away during a Sunday School lesson in church (this was before I had kids myself). I remember what one mom said to me. She said “These should never be given to kids! Imagine how noisy the house would be!”She was saying it jokingly but half serious as well. And then I realized what I had done. She was a good friend of mine so she was just ‘letting me know’ in that conversation. I have never forgotten that incident. Then, I learned about toys and what kids are like with them.

Fast forward to now, QB is 2. When I saw that whistle in that party pack, I never took it out, let alone show him what it was. I didn’t want to make that mistake and then regret later on. Sure, he will play with it one day and sure, he will know what it is and how to use it. But I decided that THAT one day will not be now. Maybe when he’s 4 or 5. When he can understand better instructions and have better control of his emotions.

Today however, he got hold of a whistle. Being 30 weeks pregnant, I freaked out and panicked for a few seconds; reminded of that incident in church. But thankfully,  it was right before dinner time so he only blew it for about 15 minutes. I told Daddy to please hide it, and hope he doesn’t remember it!

Here’s some of the toys/things that I personally think should NEVER be given to a toddler:-

  1. Xylophones

Daddy said he didn’t mind the xylophone and thought it was good for QB to learn tones/music. But I said no. Mama is not ready for this.

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2. Mouth Instruments

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107621 Laser Trumpets

Thank goodness we haven’t had any of that plastic trumpet toy, but we did have these paper trumpets from a party pack. QB was too young to use it anyway and he didn’t know how to blow it. They got all yucky from saliva so we threw it away.

3. Tambourine

QB got hold of one in church one day and didn’t wanna let go. It was a challenge taking it away and some tears were shed. Never again.

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4. Bell

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These are just 4 of the toys/things that I find annoying, based on my personal experience. Some may love it and that is fine. QB does have other noisy toys like a gun a makes crazy sounds each time you press the ‘fire’ button or a drum that beats when he taps it, or even a toy piano. But those toys are bearable because they at least have an ON/OFF switch. Or sometimes, we just leave the battery out.

Now why do I fuss about these things? I have my reasons and sometimes I wish that those around me would understand and support my decision. And hopefully see my point and think a little further. I am not a fan of noisy toys. There are so many toys out there in the market, but there are some in particular, I really would avoid in my house as much as possible. My reason is this – the unnecessary noise.

  1. With a toddler in the house, it is already noisy, don’t you agree? QB talks all day and sometimes he just cannot stop. I don’t mind him talking. I fact, I love hearing him speak and getting his way around words and learning new words (LOL, I may regret saying this 1-2 years from now). So with the noise he’s making, and the noise we make while playing with him, who needs a noisy toy to add on to more noise?
  2. Quackababy 2 is due in 10 weeks. Now that’s in about 2 months time (ONLY!!!). I can’t imagine one evening when she’s sleeping, and QB would blow the whistle, along with the usual noise from playing with toys and it may wake her up? I know babies sleep better with white noise and some sorta background sounds, but these toys/things are just out of the question. Knowing QB himself was a terrible sleeper as a newborn and baby, I just want to prepare that QB2 may be the same. A sleeping baby is a bliss.
  3. Sleep. We co sleep in the same room with QB and on weekends, he usually wakes up earlier than us. Imagine if he had taken that noisy toy and start playing? I think my head would be aching and I don’t wanna start the day nagging at him to stop playing with it. Mama needs her sanity and peace too. Especially when QB2 arrives.

Having said all these, I am so grateful that QB is an easy toddler. When we take something away from him, he doesn’t throw a huge fit. In fact, often, we are successful at it and he will understand and cooperate. We haven’t had to deal with any serious tears or meltdown from him. With him being such a great kid, sometimes he will still manage to get hold of these items. I only hope that when QB2 arrives, the situation will get better. And we will make better choices.

Have you experienced the same or have other toy/thing that you feel should never be in a toddler’s hands? Please share it with me!

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Changes and Challenges

I know I didn’t mention to most people that I had stepped down from my previous job. I was a FTWM in a fitness company and it was a pretty demanding job. I have been in this line since 2011 and I enjoyed work very much. If I hadn’t had kids, I would probably still be doing what I did.

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Having Leo changed it all. I started going back to work 3 months postpartum in November 2013. From Nov 2012 until August 2014, I was a FTWM. Those were the toughest months, in my whole working life. I thought I could do it. Just like most moms out there, it pretty normal to go back to work and life just goes on. If you haven’t known, the work I was doing is not an office job. I don’t sit with a desk and computer in front of me most of the time and I don’t get the normal lunch hour and working hours. The fitness industry is great. You meet a lot of people and let me say, it’s a busy, busy day all day, every day. It requires a lot of physical activity and sweat. I teach group fitness and also manage a bunch of trainers with my colleague. The working hours can be very long and tiring.

For that period of 10 months, I haven’t been the “best” employee. My gut tells me and I have nothing to hide. I wasn’t like that before I had kids and now things aren’t the same anymore. I live with my husband, baby, father-in-law, and dog at home. Not a huge family, but there are a lot of thing to be done at home. Often I feel that being the only girl at home, I have much to do. Ok, this is not about me complaining that I’m doing all the chores ok? My husband helps me a lot and he’s been working hard and sharing the chores with me. But there are some stuff that I feel I need to do and it is what mothers/wives do (i.e. cleaning out the fridge and throwing old stuff in there, rearrange the closet and pack away baby’s old clothes, washing laundry, drying and folding them; laundry is NEVER ENDING here, changing bed sheets, preparing meals for the day, sewing some buttons that came off our clothes, filing our bills, etc). Yup, that’s a lot! Maybe not all of them need to be done daily, but you get the idea.

I only get home typically around 7 or 730pm, sometimes even later. And then I start to prep dinner, by the time we eat, it is 830pm or sometimes 9pm. Is that crazy? YES IT WAS. But I had no choice. Slow cooker meals are great but sometimes, I forget to prep them the day before too. If you are a mom that cooks, you KNOW that you plan a day or two ahead and rarely have a last minute decision. After dinner, its bath time and time spent with baby before he sleeps which is 10 or 1030pm if we’re lucky. I did write about my schedule in a previous post, you can read it here.

So it was a struggle for me and I have come to face the fact that I am not a super human. I cannot do all of that perfectly and I am not a super mom. I was so tired and sleep deprived. Leo wakes up 2-3 times at night and I was breastfeeding. When I get home, I was a cranky old goat! I didn’t have smiles on my face and I was grumpy. I took it out on my poor husband, screamed at Leo, frowned and I was just too tired. I cried a lot and struggled at work. It dawned on me that I have to give up something in order to be happier. I gave up my steady income and stepped down to a group fitness instructor. I teach classes, and then I’m off to do whatever I need. Depending on the day, my hours are different. It does gives me some sort of flexibility but teaching classes in several different places takes traveling time and time to shower/change after class and then travel again. But I’m sure you get the idea.

Honestly, I took a huge pay cut and I don’t even know how we will manage our finances in the months to come, but I do know that my Father in Heaven will provide for us. If one door closes behind me, another will open. If there are no doors, the Lord can build one. This is how we are placing our trust in Him and that everything will work out just fine. I know for sure He wants me to be happy and to live life experiencing His blessings and peace.

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It has been one and a half months since I’ve stepped down and I am loving it. Am I still a FTWM? I would say yes, but with less hours and not in an office environment. Maybe you can consider it a PTWM but then my hours are fixed, from my weekly classes. Because my hours are here and there (some days it is morning, some afternoon and some evening), I get to stay at home a little longer to do what’s needed. Here’s what I get to do now, that I never could before:-

1. Cook dinner earlier and my family can eat at normal time. Sometimes we still do so at 8pm, but the difference is I am happy. I am not stressed that I have no time to cook. Also, if I have an evening class, dinner is already on the table and they can have home cooked meals at without having to take out all the time. It gives me an opportunity to prepare healthier meals too.

10411113_10152447668812998_7194448772227731247_n2. Laundry is done in the morning or noon, and no chores are after 10pm! If I had laundry waiting, I can easily say “I’ll just do it tomorrow!” This allows time for me to spend with Leo and my husband. Laundry is also dry by the day and I don’t have to worry if I have no place to hang them when it rains (we have TONS of laundry).

l3. On certain days, I get to be home when Leo gets back from daycare. Yes, he still goes to daycare because my working hours are different every day. I get to take him out of his car seat and see his precious smiley face! He is also less clingy when I do that. If I get home after him, he will not let me put him down sometimes.

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4. I no longer need to pump milk at work! (in the hot changing room, toilet; yuck, in the car). This is such an awesome change. I no longer need to worry if my pump is not charged or if I forgot to bring bottles/lids or if there is no fridge around. I still do pump outside on certain days when my classes are closer to each other. But I can easily just bring the milk back home afterwards.

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5. I don’t have to worry that I’ve no time to pump! If I didn’t pump before class, I could NOT fit into my sports bra. Now, I can just pump anytime needed, without having to attend meetings or excusing myself for it because I am engorged (like I said, I wasn’t the “best” employee coz I had to take time off to pump).

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6. Take Leo out for a day or two to have fun and play. Without having to take leave or step out of work when he’s sick. Do you know how many times I had to tell my boss I can’t come to work coz my baby is sick? (It’s not like they tell you a day before they are gonna wake up with a fever). If you’re a mom, you will know what I mean. There were days my boss wasn’t happy that I’m not at work and I felt that I was being judged.

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Those were just some of the major things/changes I could think of that I can do now. Surely there’s more. Having said that, there is one other con to doing what I do now in my nature of work. I am physically tired and sore. Teaching requires a lot of energy and strength. Yes, I am physically tired but I am happy. Does that make any sense?

Anyway, it has been a great 1.5 months. Who knows what would happen later on. Maybe more doors will open and things can only get better. This too, gives me more opportunity to write more and keep you guys updated and share experiences. Sorry for being away again, I will be more frequent now.

What about you? Have you ever taken a huge step like me? What are your thoughts and did you have insecurities too?

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