This is my last entry for this blog. For now. Until the next miracle happens.
Today is the day.
Today is the day there the doctor is gonna remove the tissue/placenta from my body.
Today is the day for the scheduled D&C surgery.
I’ve waited for 6 days for this day. Hoping the miscarriage will happen naturally before today, but I guess it didn’t. I was spotting for a few days with little cramps on and off but still nothing. It was VERY hard waiting, knowing that I am IN THE MIDDLE of a miscarriage situation. Working was hard because I had to not break down with emotions. I had to put on a smile and pretend that nothing is happening, where as, inside, I was grieving and hurting.
So yea… it was tough and I am glad it is over.
We arrived at the hospital at 8.30am and saw the doc. She gave me 2 pills to be put under the tongue to dissolve slowly. This is so help the cervix dilate and placenta to detach from my body. Shortly after, I went to the waiting room and the nurse took my blood pressure and asked me some questions regarding my health and allergies. I think I waited around 30 mins and I could feel my belly starting to hurt more and more. Contractions on and off. and I could feel my heartbeat in my ears. I kept singing in my heart, the song “You are good”. Over and over, I was reminding myself that I am grateful. My life is in His hands and there is nothing to fear. Soon after, I changed into the hospital robe and prepare for the surgery.
Assisted to the Operating Theater, the nurse inserted a drip into my left hand. The needle was pretty huge but I wasn’t afraid.
As I walked in to the OR, it was super cold. Lied down on the bed and the nurses covered me with a few layers of blanket. While lying there, I was looking around and the theater really looks like what it is in Grey’s Anatomy.
The bright lights. The heart monitor sound. The doors. The surgical tools (was huge and long and metal and a little scary…) very alike in the series. Luckily, I am a fan of Grey’s and at least some of it are real.
When the doc arrived, the nurse injected general anesthetic into my bloodstream. In the matter of seconds, I went off.
I didn’t know how long it took but when I woke in the recovery room, it was already 2.30pm! Terence was by my side and I knew it was over. Abdominal pain was there and with bleeding. Thankfully, I could walk and move. The doc came and check on me and said I will be able to go home and rest.
Mom and sis came to visit today. Mom made made a nice herbal soup for us and Terence cooked dinner. I am so thankful that they came and see me. In this time, it would mean the world to me to know that they are by my side.
Today is a long day. Today, many things happened.
I guess I am feeling better. It’s a choice. A choice to move on. A choice to look forward to better things in the future.
God is good and He will never ever leave us. Whatever His plan may be, it shall be. I will obey and I will sing. I will rejoice and I will praise.
Sometimes it is hard to do all these, never knowing what the answer is or if God really has a better plan?
It’s a choice. We choose to trust Him and believe that His thoughts are higher.
To my little miracle,
I never met you. I never knew you. But I felt you. So let’s move on and see what life has to offer. Mama and Papa do love you and there are no words to explain or express this love. You were not a mere dream, but you were real. It was an early 3 months but I believe you might be in a better place.
“Most assuredly I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone. But if it dies, it produces much grain”.